The rules for bios are as follows:
- No one may have anything to do with the writing of their own bio.
- Each bio must contain at least one true statement.
- Each bio must contain at least one false statement. (This is more of an explanation than a rule)
|Grad Student Bios||Grad Pics|
|Freshman Bios||Freshman Pics|
|Alumni Bios||Alumni Pics|
|Class of 2017||Class of 2017 Pictures|
He was born from an egg from a donkey. Part adorable, part ass. No food is safe within smelling distance. Some know him as Emet, some as just simply “eyebrows”. As a young child, he was abandoned and left on a farm in rural Rhode Island. In a curious twist of fate, the man who owned the farm was blind and Emet was raised as a sheepdog. He spent his formative years running around in circles to herd sheep and eating everything in sight. His sheep herding background has given him the amazing ability to mind control freshmen to get out of his way. However, it turns out that humans are not supposed to spend their childhood running on all fours and as a result Emet has been diagnosed as having the hamstrings of an 80 year old man. That is not the only consequence of his move from four legs to two; during his transition he once attempted to use a wiffleball bat as a spare leg and suffered irreparable brain damage. His brain surgery was wildly successful, and was conducted by a novice surgeon who accidentally left him with the brain of a five-year old. As it would have it, nobody was able to tell the difference. Despite what should be crippling limitations, Emet’s boundless enthusiasm for flatball has not wavered and he can be found on your local field screaming hopelessly for the disk, no matter what the scenario. Sadly, his enthusiasm for the sport has severely hampered his love life, as he can only make love to a woman who has a reliable 40 yard flick huck. However, those rare few who qualify attest that Emet has not lost the skill to move on all fours 😉
Kenneth “THE CITY” Wu was born in 1987 with a pair of ice skates already on his feet. He quickly became a skilled ice hockey player by using his figure skating skills to set him apart, as chronicled in the documentary “D2: The Mighty Ducks”. After the high of winning a world championship in junior hockey, Kenny chose to move to a new sport. He travelled the world and eventually selected ultimate frisbee because the shape of a disk reminded him of a hockey puck. He continued on his travels, seeking knowledge that would help him become a great player. He allegedly spent many years in an ambiguously named placed called “THE CITY”. Nobody knows where this place is, but he adamantly claims that it is real. During Kenny’s long journey, he accidentally learned seven languages, picked up some silly magic tricks, and changed majors 27 times. He also joined a cult known only as “summer camp”. Nobody knows what exactly occurs at this “summer camp “ but rumor has Kenny killed seven men in order to win the right to leave. Later, he met a witch doctor who told him there was a magical elixir consumed only at a college in Troy, NY that would help him to grow taller. Instead, PBR stunted his growth, leaving him at an intimidating 4 feet and 3 inches. Despite this limitation, he has managed to become an asset on the ultimate field by using his rage and great speed to occasionally propel himself in the correct direction.
|Class of 2016||Class of 2016 Pictures|
First off- let’s get this out the way, this kicked is wicked smaht. How can you tell? Look at his dome piece, it’s huuuuuge and he rides a bike everywhere, which for some reason really smart and really desperate people both love to do. He was so smart that the Department of Defense recruited him to weaponize hamsters through his sweet math skills during his summers. This Trudger hales from a rabbit hole next to Anderson field. He was vigorously eating celery and carrots one day with his rabbit friends when in early August he heard repeated thuds across the field that sounded way too friendly to be Rugby. Stealing some spandex from a nearby lady doing yoga he suited up in his favorite stretchy pants and he hit the Ultimate field, never to leave. While originally soft spoken he found his voice in the Mueller Center and on top of mountains letting out his mostly audible squeal “Guuuuuuyyyyyysss”. Benjamin West has never stopping eating breathing and sleeping ultimate, makes you wish he went back to weaponizing hamsters. While sworn to a vegetarian diet to he maintains his killer instincts by hunting for cougars in the granola section of Whole Foods.
|Gary “Shitbird” Shea
Gary “Shitbird” Shea was was never born. His existence persists only as a glitch, or an accident, in the universe. As such he is not a man, but a special kind of bird/shit hybrid being with super-human abilities. He has been observed doing things that no other Earth-man has ever done, like: flying, then falling mightily to the ground in an effort to appear human, surviving for years without showering, surviving for months with a mustachio, and not once, ever, taking a shit.
Shitbird was christened at a formal event, by a man he barely knew. The attendees of this formal event were discussing the one true subject we must all adhere to: Safety. Pre-Shitbird knew nothing of Safety, and lived his life with reckless abandon in pursuit of gold and glory. But on that fateful night Gary Shea was given a choice to be anything he desired, but knew also that it is fruitless to chase the destiny of another. He was assigned the title “Shitbird,” and knew it to be his true identity.
Shitbird can still be found flapping his wings around F-House and LXA, and occasionally in Hudson, NY (big gay-borhood there). His layouts are divine. His throws are ambitious. His name is Shitbird.
Contrary to popular belief, this new addition to Trudge is NOT two, identical, inseparable bros, it is but one confused young man. His susceptibility to confusion began when he was a baby, as his parents could never agree on what to call him, so they simply called him by two names: Gary and Ryan. By the time he reached high school, he had developed each name into their own unique personas, with a wide range of interests and abilities including slam poetry, synchronized swimming, speed reading, panty raiding, and what has been called “The most soulful Viola playing Longmeadow High School has ever seen.” The pair had quite a few similar interests as well, which led to them becoming best friends, or rather, for him to become best friends with himself.
It is easy to understand the dilemma Trudge faced when the “duo” arrived on campus. He played as well as any two freshmen combined, handled and cut at the same time, and went on to defend two separate numbers, as per Trudge tradition. News spread quickly of GarRyan’s ultimate prowess, as the whole Metro East region buzzed about the phenomenon that was two players in one. Upon hearing rumor of this superhuman athletic performance, USA Ultimate altered the self-mack rule (XII.D.3), redubbing it the Mori-Shea rule, allowing for passes to oneself in extreme cases of schizophrenia. Trudge retains high hopes for the youthful duo, and anticipate many Eifs in their futures.
|Class of 2015||Class of 2015 Pictures|
Some say he is Indian, others place him as Mexican, most mention Africa, but I think he is a fruit-cereal killer. With astronomical planning for anti-jokes, he tactfully dismantles the fruitiness of his fellow teammates. The skills that he has adapted seem to stem from the spherical afro atop his head. Charles is a great lover of video games, disc golf, and classical music. Don’t let his skinny frame, glasses, or nerdy demeanor fool you however. He is known to use his incredible afro powers to seduce a constant stream of female beings. This is not surprising however, as many people seem to succumb to the great afrodisiac. Charles has served gallantly as the Trudge Enforcer, demanding money from people and getting it every time. He developed those skills during extensive training sessions at the gay bar which led to his first round draft pick to Trudge. Many people had obtained ultimate powers at the time but Charles’ afro put him clearly above the rest, ever in charge. Ironically he was required to chop it all off upon entering the RPI campus due to several doorways being too small for him. He is now only an image of what he once was, along with names like Afrodite, Afrostotle, Dafro Punk and DafroVinci. Occasionally he will grace us with the great powers when he grows it out, letting the golden age return once again.
|Andrew “Sklar” Sklar
The Sklory begins sometime after the fall of the Soviet Union. Sklar’s mischievous nature led him to become the sub-minister of the newly established Skloviet Union. Not long after, he acquired the name sub-optimus prime for his provocative nature in space missionary positions. In one particularly famous mission, Sklar was assigned to infiltrate the minds and bodies of the American youth. Sklar came out from behind the iron curtain and searched for Horace Mann high school, the epicenter of promiscuous “sex parties” that he was dying to attend. In order to attend these parties, Sklar became a pizza delivery man. Then using his untraceable cell phone from the late 1990’s, he would order a pizza for the party and insist that the club manager in the back of the club ordered it. After misusing the powers of a pizza delivery man, Sklar’s conscious told him the only way to right his wrongs was to order a pizza everyday even if he had no interest in eating more than one slice. If there is anything I’ve learned in my years of dealing with Sklar, it is that he is not to be underestimated. He spent almost four years perfecting his namesake move (known to this day as “Sklaring,” a highly complex, sensual dance involving fingerbanging and vomit). /r/sklar is a highly informative source of info about the infamous guy.
|Class of 2014||Class of 2014 Pictures|
|Russel “The Buss” Katz
Russ started life as the privileged child of a wealthy Arabian sheik. He would ride his sports camel to the ultimate fields every day and dominate the dunes. His father was not pleased on discovering Russ’s disc-loving ways, so Russ hopped on out of there to America, the land of freedom and ultimate. Russ adopted a Jewish last name to spite his father, and enrolled at RPI. His ultimate skills and uncanny partying ability quickly caught the attention of Trudge, who lured him into their ranks and immediately granted him the highest title of party captain. He has since been demoted to regular captain, so you will usually find Russ raging face in order to reclaim his old title.
|John “Sunshine” Miller
Born as a fusion reaction inside of the sun 50,000 years ago, Sunshine had many baffling experiences fighting his way out of the sun’s core. He has remained tight-lipped about his time there, and his friends refer to it as his “rage stage.” It is here that he developed his legendary thirst for all beverages cold and perfected his massage technique. When he finally broke free from the hot plasmoid, a rainbow shone down onto Earth. It usually takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the sun to the Earth; due to Sunshine’s incredible slowness, it took him a full 21 years. Upon arriving to Earth in Troy, NY, Sunshine was delighted to find that he was old enough to frequent The Ruck and made it one of his primary lap-dance testing facilities. After a Trudge member noticed Sunshine’s aptitude for all things party at The Ruck, he was invited back home, where he has remained ever since. He is not currently interested in playing with Trudge, as it will take time away from his lap dance career. He also moonlights as a worker at Commons dining hall since Sodexo has to fill their special needs employees quota somehow.
|Nolan “The Greatest” Ryan
Nolan grew up in a clam fishery and has a certain passion for clam digging (am I right ladies?). Being named after one of the greatest pitchers of all time has not made life easy for Nolan. Sure, he tried baseball in his youth. Opposing Little League coaches would see Nolan Ryan on his team’s roster and collectively shit themselves. But Nolan could never live up to the standards set by his name. Nolan’s insatiable thirst for excitement led him to the wilderness where he furiously attempted to invent a sport befitting of his wild nature. It was here he developed his skill as a spear fisherman. He also rescued a rabbit from a bear; upon questioning both animals, it seemed the rabbit was trying to hump the bear. He keeps his dumb rabbit friend in a cage to this day. Nolan eventually decided his true passion was the most dangerous game of all: man. He came to RPI to study human anatomy that he can one day become the most skilled man hunter the world has yet known. In the meantime, he hunts the RPI nerds for practice and plays ultimate to keep his layout skills sharp. He has a passion for a baseball team called the Red Socks? I’ve never heard of them myself, but he keeps insisting they’re real. We play along to make him feel better.
|Sean “Cylon” Murphy
If you walk the streets of Troy late at night, you’ll invariably encounter the legendary Cylon as he makes his rounds and variably coherent sounds. People who know him best describe him as both a fiery lover and a snuggly pillow. Born to a large Irish family, Cylon is mainly interested in seeking out good times and always living life to its fullest. Cylon is a medical oddity in that he was actually born with two livers. Trudge discovered this fact quickly and invited him to become a full member of their squad. He rose in the ranks and is now one of the most highly regarded members of the club. Cylon always has the safety of himself and others foremost in his priorities. Despite his apparent amiableness, he can get very competitive at times. His favorite competition is a game he calls Destroy The Weaklings in which enormous quantities of beverages are drank and it almost always ends up with people crying and several dead. His favorite color is chartreuse. Cylon made his way to RPI after finding out about the technological advances available to him in Germany and South Africa which don’t kill him, but make him stronger. Don’t let his mumbled racist comments fool you; Cylon would do anything to help out a friend in need.
After his recent involvement in the vanquishing of a certain Dark Lord, the red headed wizard Ron Weasley was looking to take a well-deserved vacation. During a trip to the US of A, he accidentally apparated into a group of ultimate players at RPI, who immediately saw him for the wizard he was. Fearful of punishment by the Ministry of Magic for his violation of the International Statute of Secrecy, Ron decided to extend his vacation until the heat died down. In an effort to assimilate himself with the muggle community, Ron enrolled at Rensselaer and joined TRUDGE, after deciding to play ultimate in lieu of quidditch. Shortly after joining, he miraculously ran into his old herbology teacher, Professor Sprout, who coincidentally had fallen into the exactly same situation as Ron after somewhat drunkenly showing her mandrakes to a group of college students. Sprout and Ron found friends in each other as one of only a few wizards at RPI. To ease the difficulty of his long distance relationship with Hermione, Ron spends his free time trying to find a replacement for firewhiskey, his favorite drink from home. Intrigued by the name and his past experiences with dragons, he deeply enjoys Dragonberry flavored drinks. He’s still not as famous as Harry Potter, and secretly considers him to be a complete douchenozzle for banging his ginger sister.
|Grover “Grovedog” Grover
Speculated that he was born in an abortion clinic in Santa Fe where the technician forgot to throw out the aborted fetus, Grovdog begrudgingly came into the world. The supervisor technician, who’s doberman recently had a new litter, mistakenly placed the screaming fetus into the box with the others. Grovdog’s instincts took over him as he is the alpha male to which he climbed out of the box and ran away with his tail between his legs. Twelve years later he was sent on a mission to Istanbul to find out the true answer to “Why did Turkey cross the road?”. On this trip he got into a fight with a couple Jainist’s who argued that masturbation was violence (crazy, right?), to which they pushed him onto a bed of flowers where a virgin attempted to cut his tail off only to discover it was a large glowstick. Sometime in December that same year he was sending pictures of My Little Pony back to the United States, unbeknownst to him, using the RPI servers. The server mistakenly took him as an admin and began sending him the financial standings of everyone enrolled in the school. In a grand scheme, he raised the tuition to 33,000 as well as made masturbation the sole payment option. Unfortunately, the FBI was following his trail of rainbow colored five shorts and discovered his grand scheme (more probably due to the influx of thousands of fapkins into garbage bins nationwide). His punishment was to be forced to enroll at RPI and play on TRUDGE. Grovdog still believes the tuition is paid through masturbation leading to his record breaking 33 times in one day which subsequently became his number.
|Chris “Chetti” Persichilli
Chetti is the only member of Trudge to win 4 gold medals in 4 different Olympic events. Special Olympic events, that is. He glided past the competition in roller skating, floated ever so gracefully to the 1st place finish in snowshoeing. Controversy followed after his 3rd gold medal was secured in the Equestrian events, where Chetti actually completed the jumping portion of the competition without his trusty stead and long-time equestrian partner, Squackle. However, Chetti came back to capture our hearts in a heroic victory over France in the Team Handball competition. “The French really know how to handle their balls,” Chetti commented shortly after descending from the podium. “I’ve just been handling balls for the last 13 years, preparing for this moment,” he went on to say. After watching Chetti’s amazing performance on public television, TRUDGE president Eric Twomey recalls exclaiming to himself, “We could REALLY use a ball handler like that on the Trudge!” And so it was.
|Class of 2013||Class of 2013 Pictures|
|Matthew “Bill$” Williamson
Matthew “Bill$” Williamson is the last remainder of an ancient line of wealthy circus performers. His family had high hopes for him, especially when as a youngster he successfully built a computer with only his eyelids. Despite his many hours of training as an acrobatist, his heart was never really in the twists and contorts his family put him through. His true love was computers; by night, without his family knowing, he would sneak into the VCC and stare longingly at the monitors. “One day…” he would fiercely whisper. Upon graduating clown school he immediately applied to RPI as a computer systems engineer so he could one day work as a computer eyelid tech. He also discovered that his years of gymnast training meant he could make some awesome catches on the ultimate field. He enjoyed success as a handler and captain for Trudge, and in his future he will always fondly remember his friends who pulled him out of one circus into another.
|Andrew “Stupid” “Silly” “Giustupid” “Giusilly” “Giuseppi Janucik
Andrew Janucik, more commonly known as Giuseppe, is the only member of RPI Ultimate to have bones made entirely from spider webs and glass. The odd choice to have his skeleton replaced with such weak and brittle materials came as a result of a year-long MDMA binge, during which he also received a risqué tattoo of a Zergling (only BJB knows where) and a complete loss of volume control. The fallout from this decision has been a detriment to the lives of Giuseppe and everyone around him. To date, his experimental skeleton has resulted in a broken collarbone, a misshapen nose, and an addiction to banjo sandwiches. Occasionally without warning, he feels compelled to blast an odd combination of dub step and smooth jazz. To this day he refuses to respond to allegations that he is “a gay EE”, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
|Class of 2012||Class of 2012 Pictures|
|Christopher “Dr. Blumcat” Blum
A silence falls across the undersea, intra-volcano lab. Nothing squeaks, nothing breathes, all hearts stop beating. Doc Kindenbrau has finished his latest experiment. “Beep… beep… beep…”. It lives. A beast of formidable nature was born from the ashes. Using some of his own genetic code Kindenbrau created a monster, always thirsty, always hungry, always wanting more. Half-doctor, half-man, half-cat, Dr. BlumCat was born. His forearm, the size of a man’s thigh, glistened in the moonlight as he arose for the first time. In order to upkeep his muscular forearms Blum masturbates 13 times a day. This directly correlates to his excessive need to jack it on the field. Unlike other men Dr. BlumCat could not sustain a human diet and required herbal supplement, this in turn would explain his constant hunger. Unwilling to meet the superhuman expectations his creator thrust upon him he decided to retire to a modest life as a safety instructor in Troy, NY. Since procuring this role the Doctor has moved up the ranks jumping to “Chief Safety Liason” and finally landing the prestigious role of “Head Minister of Safeness”, a duty he serves diligently to this day.
|Stefan J. Dicker
In 1989, a multi-party political system arose from the ashes of Soviet Communism in Hungary, and in the turmoil, a baby was conceived. Istvan Laszlofi, as he was called at the time, was born sometime the following year, and immediately grabbed a four quart plastic pitcher whilst screaming “TÃ¶BB!” (roughly translated to “MORE!” in English.) The child’s ferocious appetite for debauchery was such a cause for concern that he was soon deported from his own country, and forced to live in Americaland. Luckily, his government-toppling potentials were realized and he was taken under the wing of a pivotal player in a top secret program codenamed Dwarf Invasion. Istvan spend the next 13 years training in the basements of the United Nations Headquarters building in New York City, and by age 14, was ready to begin his preliminary missions. After being given a new name, Stefan J. Dicker headed to the American International School of Budapest for advanced studies, and to begin destroying Central European commercial, industrial, and most importantly, political establishments. Following the better part of more than 3 years of service, his cover was blown by a prostitute named Katryana, and he was immediately flown back to New York. To aid in his cover, Stefan was enrolled into classes at RPI, where he waits for the current term of Dwarf Invasion to settle before he is recalled for action. In the meantime, he has been building muscle and endurance playing Ultimate Frisbee, and nearly quenching his insatiable thirst for fine beverages with the same four quart container he’s had since the day of his birth.
Bozek Lazarak was born to a humble family in a quaint village of Slovakia. From a young age he had one dream, to be the world’s strongest man. After a strong finish in the 2005 competition Bozek witnessed a brutal murder on the streets of Bratislava. After testifying and going into witness protection Bozek was relocated to RPI. In order to conceal his true identity and blend in with the scrawny engineers Bozek was no longer able to juice like Manny Ramirez and Barry Bonds. Once off the stuff Bozek quickly lost all his muscle mass and no longer suffered from Roid rage becoming much more TIMid, giving him his newly adopted name. Tim, soon to be known as Timberly, could no longer fit into World’s Strongest Man attire leaving him with only a single pair of plaid 5ultimate shorts. With mafia searches diminishing and ultimate’s lack steroid testing policy Tim looks forward to regaining his physical dominance and unleashing it upon the ultimate community.
Let’s all face the facts. Max is trying to kill himself. However, his underdeveloped gnome-brain has been incompetent to adapt modern-day Hunter Thompson-esque strategies such as shooting himself in the face. Instead, Max could only comprehend death through alcohol. It is here that he made the life decision to act out Nicolas Cage’s character in Leaving Las Vegas. Unfortunately, he will never have consensual sex with a woman closely resembling Elisabeth Shue. Or for that matter, a woman resembling a woman.
|John Henry “Hoz” Hosmer IV
He was conceived on the set of a romance cover photo shoot when Fabio accidentally slipped into his fellow model, and got a little too excited. John, as his romance novel cover model mother called him, came into a world of glamour and romance. He inherited his father’s flowing blonde locks and his mother’s slender figure. As he grew up John also started showing up on covers of romance novels, portraying the young boy toy of the middle-aged protagonists. But on one shoot involving a hot air balloon, the rope holding his basket to the ground broke and John floated away. He and his balloon eventually settled down in Troy, New York in the middle of a TRUDGE practice. When the captains inquired about his origins, he responded he came from the land of Hosmer (he in fact did not know where he had come from and hence could not return home). TRUDGE declared that he must be a wizard given his sudden appearance in Troy and now he is known as the Wizard of Hoz.
Da histoly of DanD only know by few people. Many year ago, scientist from Philips Academy Executor decide to sprice rion DNA wit danderion. What happen was that danderion grow to 6 feet and take human form. De danderion was gleen and could talk but make no sense. Dis test subject become known as “DanDe”. While in human form da cleature wa still gleen and prant-rike and could not fit in wit rest of world. To mask these traits DanD equipped with a “fashionable” set of blaces that feed him erixor to make him seem human. After few year at Philip Academy scientist decide to send DanD to Biotech Research at RPI for more study. Already disguised like RPI student he would draw rittle suspicion. DanD took riking to outdoor activity and can be found on field where he once grew.
|Jay ‘Scoobie’ Walker
One day in the Lost City Apollo Ono was absentmindedly crossing the street when he was run over by the Mystery Machine. Somehow in the twisted wreckage both Scooby Doo and Apollo inseminated Velma, who gave birth to a baby nine months later rightfully named “Jay Walker”. Geneticists haven’t been able to explain it so far but somehow the baby was equal parts Apollo, Scooby Doo, and Velma. Unfortunately for Jay he inherited Apollo’s facial hair, Velma’s eyesight, Scooby Doo’s mental capacity, appetite and lack of opposable thumbs. From what Trudge has gathered Jay has come to RPI to both study his conception and to further his green hippy agenda that he learned from The Gang. Ultimate has presented many challenges to Jay, but he is putting in the effort to overcome his disabilities. His favorite words are “free” and “huh?” and we would have bagels on Sunday morning if it wasn’t for that meddling kid.
|Brandon ‘The Sween’ Sweeney
I’m not going to lie, Sweeney is lame. Think of anything that happens in Vegas and Sweeney can’t do it. No prostitutes, no booze, no gambling, and no drugs. Sweeney is the self-appointed pastor of Trudge and preaches his 7th Day Adventist doctrine every waking moment. Before and after every game and practice he leads the team in prayer. Everybody on Trudge despises him for various reasons but no one actively attacks him in fear of a religious-discrimination lawsuit. Trudge hopes to eventually corrupt Sweeney and turn him to a respectable human being, but until then we will have to put up with his monotonous teachings and undying support of the Orioles.
|Class of 2011||Class of 2011 Pictures|
What is “Mitch”? How do you define “Mitch”. Contrary to most humans, Mitch is comprised mostly of Argon gas. The result of a “Will it Blend” Experiment, featuring a duck, a beaver, a frisbee and Journey’s hit single “Don’t Stop Believing”, Mitch found his beginnings on this earth as a retarded and severly injured, platypus. Hoping to find his way in this “lonely world”, Mitch took a midnight train going anywhere, which happened to be right into the arms of a fifteen year old girl. Now living his life as a pedophile, Mitch seeks refuge on TRUDGE, a team of ugly rejects, who also shares his affection for younger women. He is trying to get an Aero-Mechy degree so that he may one day be the Michelin Man, but for now he is just Michelin until he gets the man part down.
|Class of 2010||Class of 2010 Pictures|
Jimmy is the rarest of individuals. The bikini wearing porn loving type. His parents tried to clone Hugh Heffner by stealing some DNA of Hugh’s off of his sheets, but a bit of Dennis Rodman’s DNA was left there from an encounter earlier that night. Because of that, he has some slight cross-dressing urges. Also he’s really tall and black. Jimmy is not to be underestimated. He was voted “most likely to snap and kill everyone” in high school and everyone on Trudge is terrified of him. Luckily though, only Rudy has felt his wrath thus far.
All kidding aside…Jon is only one quarter human. He is also one quarter New England gangster, one quarter lobster, one quarter green monster, and one quarter skyscraper. He was born John (with the H), but in the process of Zac Hilton’ing Zach Hilton, the H was ripped off during the “incidental contact” and became permanently attached to Zach’s name. Jon has an odd condition called nonautohydrolibation which causes him to drink only when told to. This rare condition causes Jon to only enjoy himself when other veteran members of Trudge are present. Due to his vow of silence, the only other known fact about Jon is that he can jump. P.S You know you know Jon’s gay?
As the only current member without facebook, very little is known about the one called “the Duke” other than the lies he leaves when he shows up to practice. The current theory, scientists believe, is that “Nico” is a shortened, modernized spelling of an unpronounceably long child’s name in old Entish. When observing his behaviors, this Entish root (pun most definitely intended) can be seen in not only the Duke’s uniquely branch-like physique and bark-like skin, but in his lack of regard for haste and punctuality. Indeed, the Duke does preside over his forest and you can bet he’ll be there…later.
|Class of 2009||Class of 2009 Pictures|
Born in a small mining community in northern Nunavut Territory, Canada, Eric Twomey was the product of an albino Eskimo woman and a former German bodybuilder named Franz. In his younger and more vulnerable years, Eric spent most of his days lifting weights and bulking up, with the aid of numerous anabolic steroids. On New Year’s Eve 1999, following a 12-day binge of Dianabol (to “get ready for the new ‘Willennium'”), tragedy struck as his body literally emptied itself of all muscle mass. He was rushed to a hospital in Swainsboro, Georgia, the only institution capable of treating such problems. During one subsequent surgury, to add support to his withered ribcage, doctors installed a bowl in his chest (making him the only current member of TRUDGE capable of eating a bowl of cereal using only himself). One day, while eating a lunch following one of his physical therapy sessions, Eric suddenly jumped up, grabbed two whole apple pies, and ran out the door into the deep woods of Georgia, all for a reason unknown to even himself. While in the woods, he stumbled upon three country folk, who threatened to rape him. Acting quickly, Eric forehanded the pie tins, killing two, and injuring the third. It was at this very moment that he knew he had found his true love. Eric is now unsuccessfully trying to gain the respect of his father, Franz, by way of injuring hundreds of innocent children with pie tins.
Andrew MacEwan has no known parents. He was found by a sheep herder deep in the rolling hills of Scotland at the age of 6. For the better part of his teenage years he could have been found riding/molesting sheep in the meadows of his adoptive father’s farm. He honed his frisbee skills by participating in the old Scottish game of stone putting. After eating his adoptive parents at the age of 16, he rowed a boat westward to avoid police. He landed on a beach days later, only to instantly join a game of beach ultimate. The rest is history.
Some children are said to have been born with a silver spoon in their mouths, but Jennie McKain was born with a silver disk between her fingers. As the years past Jennie mastered the fundamental elements of ultimate frisbee; disk wielding and beer chugging, over and over in Andover, Mass. By summer 2005 she lead the Eastern Massachusetts Ultimate Youth team to place 3rd at Nationals. With this new acclaimed status she was recruited and accepted into the high ranks of RPI’s TRUDGE team where she represents the ass-kickingness that only a true beer chugging woman of ultimate can bring. It has been brought.
Mike Genovese, more commonly known as Duffman, was the result of a love affair between Shirley Ann Jackson and a bottle of Sam Adams. His early years in the jungles of east Asia were never easy for him. He killed his first tiger at age five. However, after the village chief determined that it was not a tiger, but, in fact, a handful of rocks in a painted PriceChopper bag, Mike was exiled from his village. Devastated by both the exile from the village and the loss of his favorite hat, he learned the thumber, and vowed the destroy anyone who came within 150 feet of his new home, an underground cave in the lowland plains of Africa. One day, a Trudge talent scout stumbled upon his humble abode. Keeping his distance, the scout invited Mike to come to a land where the beer flows like wine and where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. He was talking about Troy, NY. Mike agreed, despite thinking the French were arseholes. He has been playing with Trudge ever since. With that life decision, Mike transformed himself from a man, to a myth, and eventually, into a legend.
Steve Calebrese is the love child of Barbara Striesan and gay Bigfoot. Barbara is noted to have shot up black tar heroine during pregnancy. Due to this, Steve’s height post-puberty was in fact 3 feet 11 inches. The gay Bigfoot, ashamed of his abnormally small child, cast Steve away at the age of 17. It was here that Steve stumbled into a robot monkey and in a death-defying game of Ro-Sham, Steve was able to win the robot monkey’s arms and legs. The monkey being an ultimate world champion of seven years, Steve found himself unusually tall and able to pick discs out of the air with the ease of a buffalo humping a dead buffalo. Steve constantly changes the color of his hair to hide his identity, still ashamed of his past. He hopes to one day gain respect from his gay father.
Sorting through the sordid past of Eric Dzien will lead you through a world of false aliases, heavy weaponry, and bad dumps. Rubix and JJ are just two of the aliases which Trudge was able to dig up and no one packs a bigger potato gun than him. He is wanted in France for murder with the description: 3′ black shadow which climbs the walls and stalks the night. Only a constant state of fear keeps us from turning him in. In his encounters in Northern Russia during the Cold War he developed an addiction to hard liquor and allergic reaction to beer. No one is sure how he came to RPI, but it probably involved deception and a sexy secretary. When a star becomes massive enough, it collapses upon itself to become something called a Black Hole. When a muscle becomes massive enough, it collapses upon itself to become something called JJ.
Kendra, the only current homeless member of Trudge, was raised by the leaders of the famous Haley’s comet cult. She narrowly escaped the planned death and has been living on the street since, eating cans of dog food and drinking her favorite beverage, malt liquor. Despite having no possessions, Kendra seems to lose everything she owns, sometimes even her clothes. That may explain the naked black, no wait, half black girl you saw running around RPI’s campus. After Kendra’s one month vow of celibacy she has decided to join the convent and become the second most famous black nun, next to Whoopie, look for her in the upcoming feature film, sister act VII.
A newcomer to both the sport and a late addition to RPI’s team, Doug has surprised with his abilities to learn and apply new techniques and improve as an athlete, as well as quickly bond in comaraderie with his teammates, fitting in well with the existing team.
Not surprisingly, Doug seems to feel at home in and around water; so much so that rumor says he was conceived over a waterfall (which he, as a 1-hour old fetus dove off) and floated down the Hudson to be recovered by and forced into the Institute, where he spent his early years as an animal research project, changing his very perceptions. Sources have spotted Doug awake at 6am in the shower on a Saturday and reported witnessing a change in mental and physical state as he consumed what could only be described as a bottled life-force. No TRUDGE member has ever seen this illusive creaure out of this apparent altered state, so Doug’s true identity is still as dark and mysterious as his underwear.
Every American and their mother’s know that the cold war was a war of economic pressure, selective aid, intimidation, diplomatic maneuvering, propaganda, assassination, low-intensity military operations, full-scale proxy war and one sick game of ultimate from 1947 until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. What most Americans do not know is the truth behind the brutal downfall of the Commie Bastards; Chris Weyers, the legitimate boy toy of a high catholic Russian priest. Purchased from the Norwegian Mafia in 1976 and kept in the confessionals until old enough for his first sexual encounter, Chris Weyers developed a deep hate for Jesus at a young age. Swearing once he escaped he would never have any ties to the religion again, he began gnawing off his foreskin at the sign of his first incisor. One day while teaching Chris the “ropes” of the religion, the High Priest discovered a lack of entire man-hood. Still having deep anti-Semitic feelings, the priest kicked Chris out of the church, the biggest loss to Christianity since Hitler. At subzero temperatures the Priest was nice enough to give Chris one glass of hot chocolate, which by a miracle lasted him 8 days and 8 nights, ironically the same amount of time it took Christ to travel to Berlin. By the end of this journey Chris was approximately 18 years old, and an expert on Chicken Farming. In fact, the only thing that kept him going on his journey was a small, circular object of approximately 175g he found clutched in the hands of a 7 year old. Once in Berlin Chris entered the trade of Chicken stuff. Chris’ product was so finger licking’ good, Gorbachev himself was a frequent costumer. Realizing he could never get rich in a communist country, Chris promised Gorbachev free chickens for life in exchange for defectment to the US. Gorbachev, being a fat fat man, couldn’t resist. The next day the US agreed to take in Chris in exchange for the collapse of the Berlin Wall. Chris moved to Kentucky where he learned a secret recipe involving frying his chickens. Chris can now be recognized by almost every person in America. In fact, his picture is on hundreds of thousands of signs all around the nation. He goes by the name The Late Colonel Sanders. To this day they say if you go to any KFC and listen closely you can hear the sound of Gorbachev having digestive problems from all the fried chicken.
A long time ago, far, far west on I-90 lived a happy couple of Buffalonians under a suburban park bench. All they had for a living were the instruments they were left with, and a discs for donations. After nine long years of suburban metal park-bench punk funk rock, they collected enough money to have a son, who at the age of one was already plucking bass and grabbing disc. He would become known as only: The Hoff. The trio gained popularity worldwide, even affording a house and tuition to the School of Rock. Their boy would be inspired, preaching the teachings of the park-bench gods, reminding you to always tip your musicians, and living as an example of what happens when discs make money.
|Class of 2008||Class of 2008 Pictures|
Fact: Zac is the illegitimate child of the Iron Giant and Janet Reno. Consequently, he led a life of stern love and gender uncertainty. Zac practices chemistry: both in, out, and in between the lab. Zac hopes to use his knowledge of the inner workings of atoms to one day bring his child hood hero, Sherry Lewis, back to life. In his spare time, he is putting his finishing touches on his script for the Broadway production of 2 Fast 2 Furious.
The Double B was a rouge creation of a mad programmer determined to build the ultimate open source man complete with masculine definition, unbeatable drinking processor skills, and usb 2.0 compatibility. Unfortunately all these goals were poorly met, and the programmer was forced to sell Double B 2.0 for meager cash on woot.com. The Double B was then bought and sold from programmer to nerd, where he was finally traded for some smokes and lewd acts by a mysterious homeless woman who took him in and and introduced him to the great art of ultimate frisbee. After years of training, the Double B grew up into an all star ultimate frisbee player, but was forever haunted and unfulfilled by his inadequet drinking processor which constantly failed at .01BAC CPU usage and resulted in repeated failed memory modules, not to mention the shotty usb 2.0 compatability. To this day, BB 2.0 tirelessly searchs the web for compatable add-ons, worthless electronic facts and woot shirts to complete the ultimate open source man he one day hopes to be.
Sean Frick loves to huck. And duck. And suck. Unable to digest dairy and sugar, his diet consists of nothing but Canadian bacon preserves, dehydrated ketchup, and crunchy fried fetus poppers. In tribute to his favorite film, Waterworld, he filters and drinks his own urine. Most of the team expects Sean to die in a horrific accident while he is attempting to replicate SureClean windshield wiper fluid.
He will tell you he grew up in the Ukraine. What he won’t tell you is what makes him the Alex Grintsvayg we all know today. Weighing in at 238 lbs, you’d suspect something was different considering his slim figure. And nobody that hairy has the smile you’ll see condescendingly smeared across his face 24 hours a day. The fact of the matter is that the Grintsvaygs are communist bastards. Or were, I should say. Born a normal communist boy in soviet Russia he shared everything. When there was only one sled in Siberia, he would take turns with the other 476 children in town; and when there was only one raccoon on the dinner table, Alex Grintsvayg was content with his modest portion. When the Russian commies fell, the Grintsvaygs were devastated, their way of life shattered. Fleeing with the rest of their 275 relatives, they developed a small, isolated commune in Ukraine just north of Kiev. Unfortunately, the ignorant, news-deprived Grintsvaygs knew nothing of the Dnieper River and the radioactive water flowing from Chornobyl in the North. Drinking the water everyday slowly made them grow obscene amounts of hair and radiate with a soft, jaundice-like, yellow glow. It also ate away at their communist roots. Nobody could stand sharing anymore, especially the little one known as Grinny. A once sharing fanatic now found almost an evil happiness in stealing precious warm clothes and eating everything in the ice box. Over the course of the next 10 years, Grinny would actually eat all the other Grintsvaygs before leaving the scene of the crime to attend RPI. Grins’ incredibly innate ultimate intelligence is due mostly to the 275+ human brains he has consumed, not counting the ones he has saved in his dorm fridge. The current trudge team lives in constant fear of the day Alex Grintsvayg runs out of brain food.
|Class of 2007||Class of 2007 Pictures|
|Jeremy ‘Batman’ Kauffman
In order to achieve world piece, Batman was conceived via Yeti sperm and Ugli fruit extract, and gestated to term in a marsupial’s pouch. Batman first tasted meat at eighteen years of age. It was Robin’s. He has recently opted to grow a beard in order to have more body hair than his girlfriend. It is widely accepted that he is the best looking member of Trudge.
|Tracy van Dyk
Tracy Van Dyk is a woman like no other! With her extreme agility and speed like a wild mustang, you better be careful! She’ll roll up and smoke any defender who tries to come near her. Protected by the power of the Nuvaring, she’s not afraid to f*** things up. With her startling muscle mass, it’s no surprise that Tracy’s main export is pain. Thankfully, she hates the Yankees intensely, because everyone knows they suck large hard black wang.
Let’s not beat around the bush; Andrew Prince is fat… and hairy. During a time out at college sectionals he was witnessed to have devoured a teen boy who had recently eaten a small child. Andrew has recently learned how to fly a plane, which still hasn’t helped him become a member of the mile high club. Or the sea level club for that matter. We do however have strong evidence that he has had sex with a woman on a hill of small elevation.
|Class of 2006||Class of 2006 Pictures|
Immaculately conceived in a tool shed in western New York, Thomas Hermann was raised by an Episcopal minister and a Tibetan monk. He learned to surf and play guitar at the age of seven and a half, and was raised on a steady diet of applesauce and meditation. As an adult, he loves to fart and poop. One day, he aspires to be the first man to construct the entire perimeter of a state with two ply quilted toilet paper.
While most people believe that Maggie Masella is an honest, sincere, genuine, good-natured, sweet, and loving person, they are dead wrong. Buried deeply beneath Maggie’s smiles, head shakes, and conductor hats, lies a deeply sinister plot with apocolyptic consequences. Maggie is actually a transfigured form of Agaliarept, a grand general of Hell and commander of the second legion. In the late ’50s, her father, Baal’zebub received the Quaker Oats company in trade for a three legged pony for the CEO’s daughter Eliza. Since that point in time, B to the Z has been putting small pieces of people’s souls into Aunt Jamima’s pancake syrup. In addition to making the pancake syrup more delicious, it also slowly corrups the persons soul so that they will fuel the eternal fires of Hell. In the 2000’s, with the advent of the Atkins diet, pancake syrup sales were at an all time low. ‘bub feared that with the downturn in souls the fires of hell would go out. He sent Maggie to Earth to remedy the problem. Since then she has been cooking pancakes at a furious rate in order to spur Aunt Jamima syrup sales. Already she has been responsible for the corruption of thousands of souls. So be warned, behind that 5’2″ frame and 6″ smile is at least 15 feet of maleficent corruption.
|Class of 2005||Class of 2005 Pictures|
Seth Stewart was born sometime soon before the end of the 19th century to an unknown mother. His birth occurred deep within the recesses of the Guinness brewery after his father, rumored to be the board game pioneer Milton Bradley, had his ex-lover deported to Ireland after stealing her idea for the board game Life. Abandoned, she found her way to St. James Gate, where gave birth to young Seth. Immediately after she began work on Monopoly (later to be stolen by Parker Brothers), leaving the newborn Seth to venture throughout the brewery, where he stumbled across a keg of Guinness. After a drunken janitor mistook the baby for a thirsty leprechaun, he tapped the keg for the baby and placed him on top. Thus Seth consumed his first keg of elixir, and through the magic of the Emerald Isle, grew immediately to his adult state. He returned immediately to his mother, who was testing her new game with the employees of the brewery. Unable to believe her son could have grown to adulthood during the span of a single game of Monopoly (although entirely plausible) she set him a challenge, claiming, “If you are truly my son, you will create a board game to rival my own!” And so Seth began his quest to create the greatest game of all time. Unfortunately, competing with the success of Monopoly proved difficult, although he seems to be getting close. To maintain his youthfulness and to remind him of his task, Seth consumes a keg of Guinness every birthday. In the modern day, he spends his free time with members of the RPI ultimate team, the most fun people he has met in over a century on this earth, in order to find what it is that makes a game truly fun and addictive.
This man was born out of an obsession for the movie weird science. The producers were such huge nerds that they spawned this creature just from their thoughts. Because he was never afforded the luxury of a gestation period he has the ability to use only two numbers and a forehand that goes directly into the ground. His perpetual love affair with the number one told him to go to graduate school early and go to a school known for producing the likes of George Bush, so he could pursue his parents dream of creating a beautiful woman with a computer in the suburbs of Connecticut… and now for something completely different: He eats a lot, I mean the guy is a bottomless pit, what is up with that?
|Groupies’ Bios||Groupies’ Pictures|
|Andre “Vorhammer” Vorbrodt
The forbidden love child of a Polish leek farmer and a yeti, Andre started life in the European wilderness raised by raccoons. He stumbled into a tennis club one day and lived in the equipment shed, learning the ways and skills of tennis players. Andre had three goals: becoming a tennis star, getting rich, and moving to America. Eventually his skills grew enough that RPI gave him a chance to play on their tennis team despite his functional illiteracy. Andre has accomplished two of his goals, but unfortunately he is still not rich. In order to blend into American culture he has become a Cowboys fan and a gun enthusiast. Andre does miss his mother country and has been known to croon Polish folk music to himself in the woods in times of homesickness. He got involved in Trudge because he is currently being held captive by some of the team members, yet he seems to have developed a sort of Stockholm Syndrome and he seems to like us all well enough. On weekends you’ll often find Andre blasting electro-accordian Polka jams in all corners of his home, much to the delight of the guests.
Marcus did not speak his first words until the age of 12. During his formative years most adults thought he was mentally retarded. Turns out he could speak all along, but was too depressed to say anything. It all turned around the day he meet Charles Mehrotra, his soulmate. They were inseparable from day one. Marcus would go home to his mother and tell her about the latest capers they had gotten into that day. Marcus grew up and developed into a fine student, getting into RPI and dragging Charles along with him. Once Charles had been picked up by Trudge Marcus was bound to follow. His groupie resume includes a trip to High Tide, many party attendances, and full acceptance into ultimate culture. His proudest accomplishment is having never played a game of ultimate despite having attended an ultimate tournament. He makes an excellent quiche and his singing voice has been known to heal sick puppies.
Deep in the grasslands of Djibouti lived a lonely Wookie. This Wookie went out one day and met Princess Toadstool. It was love at first sight for the pair, so they went to Dr. X to apply for a test-tube baby. 2 weeks later, the test-tube baby, which they named Eli, was ready to come home. When he was little, he helped watch for the predatorial goombas. While on a scouting expedition, Eli wandered too far away. Suddenly, a pink blue footed booby came out of the bushes and picked up Eli (a certain herculean task!) and brought him to America. He was dropped off over RPI, landing on his head on HooBev’s parking lot. He was adopted by Sean Frick and became a Frisbee groupie. Now he is our friendly neighborhood Djiboutian E-wump.
|Jeremy ‘Doughnuts’ McNamara
Right in the heart of Ireland a small boy was conceived at the rainbows end. The claim is that his father was a fairy and that his mother was the king of the Leprechauns. Wanting their child to experience a world beyond the fantasies they lived in they gave their child the suit of a human ,and at the mere age of one packaged him up in a box and gripping tightly to a mug of Guinness he was sent off to America to live the life his parents longed their little boy to have. Raised by a Great Dane on the streets of NYC, he learned how to talk and walk by the people he watched outside his alley way. One day when he came home to his alley he learned that his Dane had left him to be a calendar model. Deeply saddened by this he ran away and now resides in Troy, NY. In search for belonging he soon found a family on the RPI campus called Trudge who regrettably embraced him. He now finds happiness in playing Frisbee solely for the chance at winning a milkshake. Still dwelling in his pass life, he compulsively buys every dog calendar he sees in hopes of finding his beloved Great Dane. He continues to drink Guinness in remembrance of his dear parents and it might even be said that Guinness comprises 99% of his bodily make up. This Leprechaun half breed is now called J Mac and is probably doing an Irish jig outside your window. Go look!!!